Growing Up First-Gen: The Eldest Daughter & Third Parent
Thank you to The University of Texas at Austin for reaching out for this interview & social media post. Your inquiry made me reflect on my first-gen college experience and sparked a newfound interest in exploring the research behind the intersectionality of growing up Latina, first-gen, and being the eldest daughter (and sometimes third parent). It’s a unique set of circumstances that some people experience and I’m curious to learn more and connect with other first-generation Latinas who might have a similar experience such as mine.
If you identify with anything shared in the interview below, I invite you to connect with me @mayraksalinas or email.
For my eldest daughters, I recently started reading The Eldest Daughter Effect: How First Born Women - like Oprah Winfrey, Sheryl Sandberg, JK Rowling and Beyoncé - Harness their Strengths and will report back on my insights.
Follow us: @mayraksalinas and @UTAustinTX & @BeALonghorn on Instagram.
#GoneToTexas #FirstGen #UTAustin #HookEm #BeALonghorn
@BeALonghorn Instagram Post
Mayra Salinas, a Student Affairs Professional at @NYUniversity, has the unique honor of being the oldest daughter and grandchild in her entire family. She was also the first person in her family to attend college.
“Growing up, I always knew I would go to college because that’s what my parents instilled in me. There was indeed pressure to perform and pave the way for those who followed behind me. I had to learn how to navigate college on my own, ask questions, seek out resources and take leaps of faith along the way."
12 years after Mayra received her bachelor’s degree, her youngest brother Ian is now an incoming @UTAustinTX freshman. Being present since his birth, Mayra has a unique relationship with her youngest brother, and remarks that she proudly and happily adopted the role of a third parent. As Ian has grown up, their relationship has evolved and grown closer despite them living 1500+ miles apart.
“He’s thinking differently, questioning things more and demonstrating higher self-awareness, which is fascinating to experience. He’s becoming one of my college students and it’s so cool to put my profession into practice with my own brother."
Mayra is proud of Ian’s discipline, commitment and hard work that lead him to be accepted into his top school. Excited for her youngest brother to start college in just a few weeks, Mayra offers some advice to other incoming freshman: “Be curious, ask questions and get to know people. I hope all first-year, first-gen college students know that they are enough. Their experiences are valid, and they deserve to be exactly where they are.”
Special thanks to Mayra for sharing her story with us, and congratulations to Ian and the class of #UT26! We can’t wait to see you on the Forty Acres soon!🤘
UT Austin Full Interview Questions & Answers:
In your post you mention you were like a third parent to your brother. What was your experience like as the oldest sibling in your family?
Growing up as the oldest daughter came with feelings of responsibility, duty and role modeling that I’m just now unpacking and understanding as an adult. Not only am I the oldest daughter, I am also the oldest granddaughter and cousin on both sides of my family - the ultimate firstborn. My youngest brother, Ian, is 12 years younger than me and I actually had the privilege of being in the delivery room when he was born, literally knowing him since birth. As I’m reflecting on this, I wonder how that experience alone has impacted our bond. Since that moment, I think I simply assumed the role of my mom’s little helper. I remember sleeping in my parent’s room the first few nights to help care for him and always did my best to be of assistance, even with the diaper changes. Nobody made me do anything, I just wanted to help. I wanted to care for Ian and looking back, I naturally adopted the role of big sister/little mom which I cherish very much. That relationship has grown and changed with the circumstances and stages of our lives but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Once he started going to school, that meant that big sister got to take him school supply shopping every year which easily became our favorite tradition. This also meant driving him to soccer practice when my parents worked late or helping with homework after dinner. Being the third parent allowed me to not only show up for Ian but also for my parents. Stepping up and into this role allowed me to alleviate stress from my parents which they appreciated and I was more than happy to undertake.
Once I left for college, that dynamic changed and it was probably the most heartbreaking thing to see my little brother upset that I would no longer be in the next room, but we adjusted. Skype was a thing and Facetime was invented the year I started college so that was a fun way to stay connected through college and while I studied abroad in Spain my junior year.
Being away from home during college made me appreciate the time we had together even more. It’s been 12 years since I’ve lived in the same home as Ian but we’ve managed to maintain our relationship over the years and even more so now that we live 1,500+ miles away from each other. I’m 30 years old now but the eldest daughter role is even more prevalent today as he enters this next chapter in life.
What was your experience like as the first person in your family to attend college?
This was challenging. Growing up, I always knew I would go to college because that’s what my parents instilled in me. Even though they hadn’t attended college, they somehow knew it would benefit me and my future. They understood the power of higher education and wanted me and my brothers to have a better life than they did. There was indeed pressure to perform and pave the way for those who followed behind me, like my brother Isaul who is one year younger than me and was next in line for college. It was now up to me to guide him through the next chapter all while navigating my first year in college.
My experience attending college as a first-gen student was difficult because I didn’t know what I didn’t know and I couldn’t really call home asking for help. I had to learn how to navigate college on my own, ask questions, seek out resources and take leaps of faith along the way.
Luckily, I unintentionally attended a Hispanic Serving Institution (HSI) which did a great job of providing representation, resources and leadership experiences for first-gen students of color to build community and create a sense of belonging. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggled with feeling like I belonged. Adjusting was hard. But looking back, I think I just didn’t know who I was just yet, and that’s okay. To be honest, I almost transferred schools but decided to study abroad for my junior year instead. This decision changed my life for the better and was an opportunity that first-gen students don’t always get to experience or even know that this option exists.
Ultimately, college challenged me to take a deeper look at myself and who I wanted to become. It provided a safe space to explore and learn about myself and others. College also allowed me the opportunity to pay it forward and help my younger siblings, cousins and friends along the way.
Did you feel pressure to ensure your younger family members (brother, cousins, etc) also attended college?
Absolutely. I did and still do especially now that I work in higher education. I’m usually the go-to person in my family for all things college and I’m here for it. While there’s definitely pressure to ensure my family attends college, I’ve learned that everyone’s journey is different and that’s perfectly fine.
How proud were you when your brother got into UT? Did you play a part in him deciding where to attend college?
Proud is an understatement. I am overjoyed because I knew that UT Austin was his #1 school.
I was fortunate to channel my inner coach/mentor through his college process but ultimately, it was his decision and hard work. Ian worked on college applications for months and seeing the fruits of his labor was the most rewarding feeling in the world. The accomplishment was great nonetheless but the commitment and discipline demonstrated during the college application process was phenomenal. I hope he carries that work ethic into college and beyond.
Has your relationship with your brother changed now that he's all grown up and entering college?
It has! I think our conversations have more depth and feel more peer-like. He’s thinking differently, questioning things more and demonstrating higher self-awareness which is fascinating to experience. He’s becoming one of my college students and it’s so cool to put my profession into practice with my own brother.
What is your biggest piece of advice for first-year, first-gen college students?
I hope all first-year, first-gen college students know that they are enough. Their experiences are valid and they deserve to be exactly where they are. My advice is to be curious, ask questions, and get to know people.
Get to know your roommate/suitemates/classmates by asking questions and learning more about them, their background and experience. This will open a new world and hopefully increase your cultural awareness and empathy for people. Don’t be afraid to meet new people who are different from you.
Get to know your Resident Assistants! They’re students just like you, they know the campus and are trained to help you navigate your first year in college.
Get to know your professors! They’re human. They are here to help you learn. Go to their office hours, get to know them and ask questions if you need help.
Get to know yourself. The real you. College is a time for exploration. Try new things, trust your instincts, and know that it’s okay to make mistakes. Learn from them.
Thank you again to UT Austin for showcasing this proud first-gen Latina and best of luck to my Ian as he moves to the 40 acres this week! You’ll do amazing and know that we are so proud of you. Love you, Ian.
-Mayra
